Well, not PREGNANT pregnant. But pregnant in a sense. 🙂
- I have a due date: June 15th.
- This “baby” is making me uncomfortable. It’s stretching and kicking from way down deep, whenever it wants.
- I’m totally distracted — “leave my car keys in the fridge” distracted — by what still needs to be done.
My book-baby is due to the publisher, with 15,000 more words than I’d originally planned, in a little over a month. And I’m feeling the s-t-r-e-t-c-h!
It’s stretching my dreams. I’ve always wanted to write. And, like with most dreams, when the door finally opened it a) freaked me out, and, b) opened my eyes to God’s version of what I thought was just a little girl’s hope. Turns out it’s a lot more than that! Every day, as I pray, research, write, and talk about it with others, I’m amazed at how God’s growing this “baby” right before my eyes. Such a humbling, exciting, beautiful process!
It’s stretching my stamina. Not since college have I had to produce a piece of writing this long and involved. Come to think of it, it’s more like not since …EVER. And now, I’m not single and able to pull all-nighters at the drop of a hat. Now I’m studying, cramming, and following inspirations in short bursts between gymnastics, dinner, and bedtime as a mother of four. During this process, I’ve often had the urge to go back to my college self — studying in to the wee hours for midterms — hug her tight, and exclaim how grateful I am that she learned how to manage time and work. If she hadn’t, I’d be screwed.
It’s stretching my faith. A year ago when I discovered I was pregnant with this “baby” — when I pitched it to my agent and we both knew it had to be written — it took no faith to blog, ponder, and dream about it. Now, a month from it’s due date? Fear’s hanging around every time I sit at my computer, whispering, “It wasn’t that good of an idea after all. Nobody’s going to read it. You’re going to spend all this time and stick your neck out in a public way, and you’re going to FAIL.”
It honestly feels just like pregnancy did. Both kinds: the adoption “pregnancy” — waiting a year for our girls to be placed with us — and the two biological pregnancies.
In every “pregnant” season of my life, I’ve wondered, worked hard, worried much, and got to the last month begging for it to end already!
Maybe that’s because the birth of any dream feels a little like pregnancy. Getting into a favorite college. Getting married. Getting that job you really wanted. Relocating to a great place. Discovering a calling. Realizing God is healing your heart.
These dreams stretch our stamina. They push us past what we want to invest, and in to what we choose to invest because the dream’s worth it.
They stretch our faith, as we look at the “not yets” and “not sures” along the way, and we respond with a “so what?” and keep going where we know God’s leading.
They stretch our dreams, themselves.
We embark with naivete, hope, and excitement. Those first positive responses come, and our dedication to the dream grows. Then, we see that “ultrasound” or feel that “kick” and tears fill eyes, hearts race as we realize we’re in the presence of a miracle. A gift whose vastness eluded us until that moment, and from then on, it just keeps surprising us.
Yes, friends, I’m pregnant. With my first book, due in a month to the publisher. I’m scared, excited, distracted, hopeful and nervous all at once, and I’d love your prayers for these last weeks as the “due date” approaches.